I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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