I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize