PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
