Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
