have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
