well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
