I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
