She said her name was "party"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
