I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
