My first STD was from a foam party
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize