i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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