either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
