I wish I could punch you in the face.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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