we're chasing vodka with high fives
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
