I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
