I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
