Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
