i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize