im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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