Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i would punch a child for taco bell
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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