he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So here I am, sexting at work.
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