Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
