I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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