just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
