I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
