Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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