Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
