It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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