I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
