why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
