3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize