So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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