I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
