Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
