FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
