White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
