my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
