someone threw a dead crab at me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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