There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
