Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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