Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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