Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
