You work out of a Hotel?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize