i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I love you.
Bad choice
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