watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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