You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
