Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
