Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we should paint friendship bongs
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