WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
