then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
