I look better un-naked...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is wine microwaveable?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
