so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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