Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
