He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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