i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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