nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
