I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
