Banned from zoo.
Again?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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