On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
