the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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