yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
