I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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