Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
