Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize