Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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