i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
